


Crescendo

by ao354



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Flashbacks, Fluff, Insecured Jaehwan, Light Angst, M/M, Passive Minhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 07:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17260358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ao354/pseuds/ao354
Summary: This fic is part of whenduskarrives collection, please click the tag for more fics or visit their website:http://whenduskarrives.site/for more minhwan works such as fan arts, poems, etc!! They have this cool website to collect everything just as a memento for minhwan. Please do check them out!(1) = Park Won - Try, Minhyun sang little bit of this song before on his instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/BOPJVnUBlLB/?hl=en&taken-by=optimushwang- I have no idea about any gym equipment, I googled that tool and found out that the name was smith-machine. Please pardon me and blame Dongho as I got the inspiration from him- I might be changing lil bit of sentence (maybe hair color and such) from the webzine, but it's nothing major.





	Crescendo

**_starts with A…_**

Jaehwan strums his guitar few more time, humming to non-existent lyric, then his fingers gracefully moves towards the next chord;

 

**_E_ … **

He stops midway as he cannot find the right melody for his chords. So he starts again 

 

**_from A… to E_ , **

finally figuring the right note, though words remains void,

 

**_and F#m… D_ **

He quickly takes his pencil and jots down the melody and chords on his music score before he re-starting from scratch again to get the feeling. Encouraging his mind to disclose more rhythm, but the door of his room is slammed open so suddenly and all chords he has in mind vanishes.

“Jaehwan-ah, let’s have supper, I have ordered _bossam_ and _jokbal_ ” Seongwu sing-songs. Once he notices that the younger seem to ignore his invitation, he approaches the latter and tries to grab his guitar, “Come on, everyone is outside.”

Jaehwan manages to save his guitar before the taller is able to touch and bump it somewhere during the process. “That’s why you didn’t knock the door, cause _everyone_ is outside” Jaehwan solemnly replies. He packs his guitar back to the case, and grabs pair of socks, ignores whatever complaints Seongwu throws at him. Jaehwan doesn’s seem to care, he walks past the dining room, tries not to cross eyes with anyone in there, _someone._ He opens the main door loudly and strides his way out of the unit.

When was the last time people knocked his room’s door. He couldn’t remember. The only one who did it last time was _him, Hwang Minhyun_. They spent so many times together in Jaehwan’s room, be it singing random song, laughing at stupid jokes, telling each other their schedule for that day, or even just silently sitting there (which ended up with Minhyun requesting bunch of songs for Jaehwan to sing). 

 

_I love to hear you sing_

That is the only phrase Jaehwan misses the most. Simple words often said in that closed room, within a hair’s breadth, a melody to Jaehwan’s ear. He also remembered that particular night, where the air-conditioner in Sungwoon and Minhyun’s room was broken. Hence each moved to any of the single rooms in the unit. Naturally, Minhyun shared Jaehwan’s bed (Sungwoon took over Jisung’s floor). It was not their first time sharing the bed, they did it during filming of Wanna One Go Season 1, luckily this time, the bed was slightly wider than the one in their old dorm, providing little more space for both men to lie flat on their backs.

“It reminds me of home _hyung_ ” Jaehwan said softly. As Minhyun turned his head sideways, he saw the younger closing his eyes and continuing his sentences “We used to sleep next to each other like this, my parents and I, though it was on unsprung-mattress on the floor. They could have moved to a bigger apartment, you know, they could have afford to rent it if only…”. Minhyun now shifted on his side, arm folded, head on his elbow. He watched Jaehwan as he slowly opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “if only I wasn’t greedy about wanting guitars… multiple times.” Minhyun waited for a while before saying “It’s great isn’t it? You have supportive parents” - “Hmm, almost to the point of not deserving them” - “Don’t say that!” Minhyun cut him off. It’s Jaehwan’s turn to cock his head to the side, lashes fluttered fighting drowsiness “I hope they are happy _hyung,_ watching me debuting in Wanna One, having 10 sets of brothers that I won’t trade for the world”. Jaehwan felt Minhyun’s breath when he heard it “I’m sure they do, they are proud of you”.

Just like any other nights they shared, Jaehwan waited for it, “Good night Jaehwan-ah” - “Good night _hyung_ ” and he fell asleep after receiving a forehead-kiss from the older, _just like any other nights._

 

Jaehwan almost walks onto the glass door towards the gym, he is in a deep thoughts to notice that he has reached his destination. He puts down his water bottle at one corner and gets to his warm-up. He makes sure to take his time flexing his muscle as to avoid any unnecessary injury. By the time he is ready, he moves to smith machine and starts with just the bar. After 10 lifts, he adjusts 5 kilos on each sides, and repeats the lift for the same amount, swift and steady. He remembers what his trainer said during his first class ‘If it’s getting too hard, find your anger, turn that into motivation!’. He proceeds to dumbbells, picking 7kg on each hands. He stands facing the mirror, hands gripping tightly onto the dumbbells on his side. 

 

‘isn’t he the public pick?’ _\- 80 thumbs up_

He lifts the dumbbells sideway, slowly but surely, for 20 times. He’s back to the smith machine, adjusts the weight into 10 kilos on each sides. Aiming for 15 lifts.

 

‘ahh.. he should move little bit to the back don’t you think’ - _96 thumbs up_

**1… 2… 3… 4… 5…**

 

‘don’t put him next to visuals! what are they thinking!’ - _125 thumbs up_

**6… 7… 8…** His arms trembles at the tension **9… 10…**

 

**‘** Mandu cheeks? it’s totally fats there **’ -** _178 thumbs up_

**11… 12… 13…** He cannot let his negative mind takes control. **14…**

 

‘His face is just… _very basic_ ’ - _220 thumbs up_

He shakes the thought, pull up whatever energy he has left. **15…**

 

Jaehwan almost slips his footing when he tries to put the bar back to the handle. His breath is ragged. Sweats drips from the tip of his hair, running down his jaws. He stares at the mirror in front of him, only to be greeted by another Jaehwan, whose tears running down from the corner of his eyes, wetting the side of his nose, streaming down his lips. 

‘If warming up is the start of everything, we close up with relaxation!’ the trainer’s voice echoes inside his head. He stretches out his arms upward, closing his eyes, trying to clear out his mind, but instead, a pair of foxy-eyes appears, which turns into a crescent moon accompanied with a familiar breathy laugh. A laugh that now may only be directed to others but him. Jaehwan wipes his teary eyes with his sleeves, “Minhyun- _hyung_!”, he sobs alone in the corner of the gym studio.

 

 

*

 

“You are not going to save some for him?” Seongwu asks. 

“No, he wont eat it, just finish them up, so I can throw away the trashes” Minhyun replies back. 

Nobody else says anything after that cold response. As soon as the table is clean, and trashes are dumped through the chute outside, Seongwu retreats to his own unit. Everyone on level 9’s unit heads to their respective rooms, while Minhyun takes his time in the shower, reminiscing the past.

 

When was the last time, Minhyun kept the first bites and scooped of whatever foods they had ordered and saved it in container for Jaehwan. 

When was the last time, Minhyun nagged about the dirty laundry, or the cluttered cables on the floor.

When was the last time, Minhyun smeared soft-cream from the cheese-cake they used to buy on Jaehwan’s soft cheeks, or even wiped it off from the younger’s lips. 

What he remembers though, that time when the shorter suddenly appeared on the supposed to be HwangCloudPan gym-session. Minhyun thought that it would be one-off thingy, but he realized a tad bit late on how wrong he was.

 

“Have you tried talking to him?” Sungwoon asks while applying lotion across his milky legs as soon as Minhyun enters their shared room.“Who knows it’s just a trivial thing!” - “I won’t chase him to grow up _hyung_ , he needs to do that himself” Minhyun replies the older and grabs his own skincare products. 

“Idiot” Sungwoon mutters. 

“He is indeed” 

“I mean both of youare idiots!” Sungwoon snaps back and fixes his earphones, ready to induce himself to sleep by listening music from his phone. 

 

Minhyun guesses, nobody knows that before ‘the incident’ happened, he had tried to talk to Jaehwan. Minhyun once asked him to watch movie in cinema together, the latter refused with no apparent reason. The next time he asked the younger to dine out, he said he had consumed the daily maximum of dietary intake, though at another time Jaehwan agreed to join Jisung- _hyung_ for dinner. Not to mention the bubble tea and scooter-date that both of them had, Minhyun loves bubble tea too, so why did Jaehwan refuse to walk with him. What was Minhyun supposed to do knowing Jaehwan chose the leader of Wanna One to watch musical performance, just the two of them. Envy was understatement at the time, but Minhyun didn’t want to corner his _hyung_ and interrogate him about it. All of the _hyung-_ line knew about Minhyun-Jaehwan relationship. If Jisung did not tell him anything, it just meant that Jaehwan clearly didnt talk about it, or, even if he did, informing Minhyun about it might actually disrupted the group’s dynamic, and Jisung is a wise leader. 

 

The background music can be heard very softly from Sungwoon’s earphone, it must be one of his celebrity-friend’s playlist, and judging from the melody, this time it’s EXO’s ‘Baby Don’t Cry’. 

**_Great_**.

Minhyun reckons it is true when they say if you have a broken-heart, every songs are talking about you. He rests his back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why does every room in this unit have the same-looking ceiling. It reminds him of sweet memories he knows he cannot re-claim.

 

Since the beginning, Minhyun and Jaehwan don’t have common interest. Minhyun loves solitary, the other loves outdoor activities. Minhyun loves spending money on movies, the other loves saving for far more tangible things. Minhyun doesn’t mind spending his private time with his members, the other prefers to catch up with his school-mates. It’s only logical that they grows apart following the time. **But w _e were fine before._**

_Our relationship is business, hyung_

That was the most hurtful statement one could say, especially when the targeted person never expected for such thing to come out from his innocent _dongsaeng_ ’s mouth.

It was on one of those free nights they had, Minhyun could hear ‘Forever +1’ guitar’s chord coming from Jaehwan’s room. “If only you picked me back that time, we could have sung this song together” Minhyun meant for it to be a joke when he entered the shorter’s room, after a long time he had not had the chance to. Jaehwan paused his strumming, before he lifted his head and looked at Minhyun “How does it feel not being picked _hyung_?”. Minhyun noted the sarcasm, his heart clenched at the question, “What?” - 

“You always pick me for your own gain, right?”. Minhyun’s mind went back through series of fansign’s post it questions, and Wanna One Go Season 2, wondering what the shorter was referring to. However, Jaehwan continued, “Just like during Produce time on first evaluation. Also you could have picked Sungwoon- _hyung_ for main vocal, but I guess I was easier to control, I was … I am no match for _Hwang-Jegal_ ” - “Careful with what you’re saying next Kim Jaehwan!”.

 

“And again this time for unit song _._ I guess our relationship is business for you, _hyung_ ”

Minhyun saw red, he was frustrated, disappointed, hurt, and mad. He could not understand the basis of Jaehwan’s accusation. He tried to force his leg to leave the younger’s room and left him there, thinking that he might not be in the right mood to talk, but instead, 

“ _Lucky for you then… that we only have 6 months left_ ”.

Since then, Minhyun has stopped texting or asking; _where are you now_ , _where are you going, where have you been, have you had dinner._ Neither does Minhyun talk or caress Jaehwan’s cheeks, nor does he rest his shoulder on the other any longer. Minhyun has stopped caring.

 

However, he never stop listening to this particular moment, when Jaehwan comes back from his gym-session, just like any other nights. The creaking of door knob, his soft-step from the main hallway to the shower-room, past the living room. The thud sounds from the wood-door closing, and the sounds of water-streaming out of the shower head. Minhyunhears, rather than seeing it, of what action Jaehwan makes. He tunes out all sounds inside his room (even Sungwoon’s music from the older’s phone), and solely focus on noises outside. The bang of glass-door from inside the bathrooms tells Minhyun that Jaehwan has finished showering. Minhyun counts to 10 in his heart, and that’s normally the exact duration for Jaehwan to envelope his body with towel before he heads out next to… (there is first screech of the door opened, which is the shower-room’s door, but no second sound yet)…kitchen. Clink of glass can be heard, which means Jaehwan may fills up his (it is actually Minhyun’s) water bottle before he finally heads back to his bedroom. Minhyun finally closes his eyes, knowing that the younger must have been tired from the exercise and may go to sleep straight away. 

But tonight, it’s _not_ like any other night. Minhyun hears the familiar guitar strumming, it is very faint and almost inaudible. The melody is familiar, but Minhyun cannot put a word in his mouth of what song Jaehwan is playing, until he hears him singing. The voice he has always yearn for, chanting the lyric of their misery:

 

**널** **만날** **수** **있는** **날**

On a day I could see you

**친굴** **만났고**

I met my friends instead

**끊이지** **않던** **대화가** **이젠** **끊기고**

Conversation that wouldn’t end are now ended

**널** **바라보다가** **다른** **사람을** **겹쳐봤어**

I looked at you but now I overlapped you with someone else

**누군가** **내** **안에** **들어온** **것도** **아닌데**

Though it’s not like someone else came inside of me

(1)

 

Minhyun brings his forearm to his eyes, he hopes Sungwoon’s song is loud enough to prevent him from hearing his weeping. He hopes Sungwoon is too deep in his sleep to notice that he is mouthing at every single words sung from across their shared room.

 

* *

 

Following months are filled with rollercoaster of emotions from Jaehwan. After coming back from the world tour, Wanna One schedules are mostly attending festivals and fan-event. At one point he is glad to be able to rest properly at the attic of his own house with his parents on his side and eat as much marinated-crab as he can. Also, catching up with his junior/high-school mates that he is longing to see after a while is such a refreshment. Another time he is so tired of all comeback preparations and recording of new songs, cause it means lot of discussion of song distributions and dance sections. There is also a recording of new Wanna One reality show (due to the backlash from the cancellation of Wanna One Go Season 4, Mnet decided to have 2 hours program with the theme of ‘Last Heaven’). Additionally, since it is nearing their end of the contract, the company knows better than to separate them just like past Wanna One GO series. Instead, they are going to a very nice penthouse, which is away from city area and curious eyes to do some MT-like activities as a group. Though some of activities require them to do chores, which means breaking into several teams, it is not for a long duration so there shouldn’t be any issues during actual broadcasting, with proper editing. 

Jaehwan’s heart drops when he lost rock-paper-scissors game for the group to buy dinner’s ingredients alongside with Minhyun. The members notice the situation straight away and try to somehow plot another member to go with the two of them. Nobody actually wants to be in that position - as Jaehwan is sure going to be the most awkward position - so he doesn’t blame Seongwu when he begs the PD to get Daniel into the group as well. Miraculously, the 4-people Justice League team is approved to go. Jaehwan realizes it then that the situation Minhyun and him is in, creates trouble to other members and disrupts the atmosphere of the shooting. Therefore to compromise it, Jaehwan thinks it is safe to play on a prank to the 95z and leave them behind with all the groceries in their hand while Jaehwan and Daniel drives the car away to the nearest coffee-shop. He is soon being called by the staff to pick the _hyungs_ up, though not before he buys caramel-latte and grapefruit juice to calm the two members behind (Seongwu spills the drink accidentally and complaints all the way to their penthouse while Daniel and Minhyun is laughing at the whole situation - “This is sooo going to air!!”).

Mnet is not Mnet without their sorcery and deceitful conduct. After a handful of chaos in the penthouse, the staffs wake all members up around 2am in the morning, and force them to get into the car towards another destination in their pyjamas. They end up to some other run-down building, just like an old school extra-curricular room with heaters at every corner and piles of mattresses and blankets. They are told to spend the rest of the MT activities here instead. Jisung decides to sleep on this issue for the time being and worry about what happen later when they wake up in the next 5 hours. Half conscious half awake, members scatter around grabbing their mattresses and blankets and spread them around messily. Jaehwan doesn’t want to sleep too close to the heater so he choses to be near the middle, where it is free of obstruction of people going in and out of the room. He is so sleepy that as soon as he lays his head on the pillow, he straight goes to the dreamland. Only after a while he senses someone fix the blanket for him and tuck himself in it but he’s too out of it to say word of gratitude.

Jaehwan wakes up due to the chilling cold of air, he cannot get back to sleep as he is in need to go to the washroom, but he’s too afraid to go alone as the toilet is located outside the room, where they are all sleeping, and down the corridor. So he decides to choose the safest route, ‘Wake Daniel up’. It takes several nudges and pokes until Daniel agrees to accompany him. They are practically waddling to the washroom, fighting the coldness of winter and drowsiness. With eyes still closing, Daniel tells Jaehwan softly from behind the closed doors of the toilet, 

“Have you been talking to him recently?”. 

Jaehwan doesnt need to ask who is Daniel referring to, so he just keeps the question unanswered. Once he has finished washing his hand and opens the toilet door, Daniel continues 

“He checks on you regularly you know, whether you are back from gym or just simply to turn off your bedroom’s light.” 

Jaehwan furrows his brows as to question how does Daniel even know all of these when he’s on the other unit, but as if reading his mind, Daniel opens his mouth again,

“Sungwoon- _hyung_ told me, sometime he wakes up from sleep cause he hears someone opening the room’s door and sees Minhyun- _hyung_ walks out and check upon your room before heading back to his bed.” 

Jaehwan stands still upon hearing this information, doesn’t know how to react, _doesn’t want to know at all_. 

“Just give it chance will you?” Daniel says again and it is not fair with how sleepy his expression is now, making him look more like a puppy, making Jaehwan almost want to say _yes_ , 

”Don’t you want to go toilet too?”

“You’re insufferable!” Daniel replied as he bangs the door behind him. 

 

They don’t talk anymore during the walk back to the living room.

Jaehwan carefully pulls up the blanket as to not annoy Daniel (who settles beside him) even further, only to realize that all this while, he slept in between Daniel and the man he wants to avoid the most. Jaehwan braces himself leaning on his side, watching the man in question sleeps under the ray of moonlight peeking from the window sill. Jaehwan basks himself at the beauty of Minhyun’s profile; high-nose bridge and pointy nose standing at its perfection, or how prominent his jawline actually is at close-range, and his perfect adam’s apple which bobbing alongside his chest, drawing a constant breathing. Jaehwan wishes to go back to the time where he could confidently rest his head between Minhyun’s neck and collar bone, but alas, instead he is trapped at his own jealousy and limitation under the roof of old lodging house and hard wooden-floor. Slowly, Minhyun shifts his position and turns his body towards Jaehwan, who still very bravely staring at the older with awe. Jaehwan thinks, he will not be having this chance for another time anyway, so might as well enjoy it to the fullest. Or so he thought, before he sees the eyelids of the opposite man opens very carefully. Two brown orbs reflecting the beacon of moonlight outside, and stares back at him. None of them breaks the connection. Jaehwan should know it is impossible to hope, but he keeps the gaze anyway.

**_Let’s stop this, hyung._ **

**_Let’s restart again._ **

Jaehwan wakes up couple of hours later with violent nudges from Jisung, asking if he can help him to cook something for breakfast. Jaehwan notices the empty mattress next to himself, he cannot remember who amongst them glanced away first last night, but he definitely is sure, that those hopes remains unspoken.

 

* * *

 

Keeping distance with Minhyun actually gives Jaehwan more chances to get closer to the other members. Though maybe not often with Seongwu and Sungwoon as they are far more tight-knit with Minhyun (and in Jaehwan’s assumption, a far better off companion considering their hobbies are closely related). With Jisung for example, if Jaehwan is not with other members, they definitely are together, be it practicing, cafe-ing or even dining out. Jaehwan learnt from a while ago that the leader had been more accepting of his role in Wanna One. He told Jaehwan before that it was useless thinking of what was ahead and what had already happened, all left were for themselves to self-improve and enjoy what was currently occurring. ‘Never set yourself according to other’s expectation, cause it will never be enough for them, nor it will be for you’, this is what Jisung always say in between beer glasses, or during late night practicing, or from the back-seat of the scooter that Jaehwan is driving. Jaehwan never a good of a listener.

If Jisung is cooped up in his rooms, Jaehwan will go to the maknae room just to check if he is still binge-watching all those dramas. Sometimes he wonders if Guanlin genuinely studying all daily conversational from the drama or just too intrigue with the story. Jaehwan may not be a good teacher at introducing grammar and vocabulary in Korean, but he helps Guanlin to learn from rap-songs. It may sounds weird practicing pronunciation of a rap-song alongside with guitar strumming, but Guanlin needs all helps he can get anyway. Plus Jaehwan himself is quite fond of rap-genre, and so he’s been letting the younger know some of songs he personally choose, ranging from Epik High to Zion T. 

Other time if he feels like it, Jaehwan will go to the other unit and play games with Jihoon and Woojin, though he ended up being scolded most of the time. He is not much of a gamer himself, but playing games enable him to vent out stress and suppress memory (while playing guitar may do the exact opposite of that). He has managed to install some of the games the _‘_ Pink-Sausages’ are into lately and match it off with Sungwoon which results in utter defeat. Once ‘Pink Sausages’ are tired scolding him, and Jaehwan is deemed to be useless at improving on the game, they hush Jaehwan away from their room. 

That’s normally the time where Jaehwan lingers in Jinyoung’s room. He knows by now that despite his shy and awkwardness in public, Jinyoung is extremely cheerful with people he’s close to. He also notices that Jinyoung confidence knows no boundaries especially with the way he carries himself (something that Jaehwan should learn from). Sometime they talk about youngster’s phrases most used these days, or just simply mention about stupid stuff like different kind of hairstyle. The only thing Jaehwan wishes upon Jinyoung is for him to not be afraid with new surrounding, at one point, he’s going to be alone and nobody is there to help him, but Jaehwan reckons it will come out as part of growing up. Jinyoung has lots of _hyungs_ to learn from and Jaehwan wishes he’s one of them. 

It’s very rare for members other than people from Jaehwan’s unit + Seongwu to visit his room, one of them is Daehwi. They usually start by singing in tune some random songs from the high-charted list, and end up at counselling session as Daehwi struggles with balancing between his variety persona and real self, or with negative comments from multiple resources. Jaehwan can relate deeply with Daehwi, though he is afraid to think that Daehwi may also read english comments, knowing his capability in that particular language. Despite being another maknae in the team, Jaehwan mostly shocks by how mature Daehwi really is. He cannot even compare his past 17 years-old-self with Daehwi. He might have joined competition program at 17, with his parents by his side. Whilst Daehwi is away from his mother, growing up without his father at such young age, in a country foreign even to himself. And so when the younger pours his feeling out, Jaehwan can only be at his side, for whatever role he is needed to; friends, brother, adult. Slowly enough, it becomes a common things to see Daehwi in the apartment unit below.

 

* * * *

 

Jaehwan doesnt realize it, with all those year-end award shows and performances, that their last concert as Wanna One is approaching soon. For the last 5 months all Jaehwan could remember regarding Minhyun was that they talked only when it was absolute necessary. It is tragic that they are used to the feeling of not getting on each other way. Jaehwan thinks maybe the taller has moved on, considering he is now more at ease especially at the prospect of coming back to his original group in 2019. Maybe Jaehwan is just a mere page of a book, one where takes you to another chapter, but too irrelevant to remember. 

“Kim Jaehwan!! MOVE BACK!! Do you hear me!!” 

Jaehwan startles from the shouting, and glances nervously at the stage-director.

“You need to stop at the centre back and turn yourself towards the audience at the centre zone, because we need to do a close-up shot of your face during your high-note. You were walking towards the left before I called you. Tomorrow is the concert! Focus please!!!”

It’s the 9th-screaming that Jaehwan has today, after series of wrong dance, out of tune, wrong standing position, late entrance, etc, etc. Feeling dejected, Jaehwan apologizes quickly and scurries to his spot. Maybe the light plays a trick on him as he catches Minhyun’s worried-gaze, but when he inspects further, the ash-grayed-man may just looking at the other person next to himself.

The stage they are rehearsing at the moment is for their latest new song that is supposed to be the climax of every Wanna One or Produce season 2 ballad songs. Something remotely close to Always part 2 and titled ‘Journey’. Just as the name suggested, all lyrics contained the plot story on every members point of view, and to top it off, all members who has experience in music-composing took part in arranging the final song. There’s always a dramatic effect on every final concert, hence Swing, being a little more generous this time, outsources an actual orchestra and live-band to give off a feeling that isn’t captured in the recorded cd. 

Especially for this song, they are fully utilising the impromptu-orchestra as behind-the-scene videos will be displayed on large screen at the same time as they are walking from the long stage at the back toward the centre stage. As soon as the instrumental string starts playing, that’s Jaehwan’s cue to sing his high note (which apparently he missed the other time of rehearsal). The main vocal is deeply in thought, he doesn’t realize a pair of brown orbs eyeing him close. And the owner of those eyes is not aware that the leader of the group has been watching them since start of the rehearsal. 

Minhyun cannot help the agitation of watching Jaehwan being scolded and reprimanded by the staff. He hates the fact that he is too coward to approach him and ask if he’s okay, or to even give him a pat of encouragement on the younger’s back. He clenches and unclenches his own hands as a sign of frustration, until he sees Jisung signalling him in silent. They are not talking, instead they are using eyes to communicate. Jisung glances to Jaehwan and cocks his head indicating that he wants Minhyun to console him. Minhyun shakes his head to which the eldest sighs at his stubbornness.

Once they are free to leave the venue and get their full rest before the big day tomorrow, all members speeds up into their vans and somehow magically save the very last spot for Minhyun to take, next to the man he’s been avoiding for the past months. Luckily for Minhyun though, the elf-eared man is fast asleep due to the culmination of stress and fatigue from the practice.

His hand faintly scraps the side of Jaehwan’s palm, he wants to grab it fully but afraid of the rejection once the other is awake. So he sets himself just staring at the shorter man. He could see outer line of the knee pad underneath the younger’s pants, the same pad he bought the other day and convinced Sungwoo to give it to Jaehwan without blurting out the real buyer of the product. He smiles at the thought that Jaehwan was oblivious to it and kept using it for the rehearsal.

There’s lot going on today which left Minhyun incapable of easing what Jaehwan had gone through, and so, he grabs Jaehwan’s head (which nearly hits the window) with his right hand slowly, and place it on his shoulder as if he’s made of china. Letting the younger sleeps his journey home safely from the bumpy road and unstable driving from their manager. If everything ends just as is, then Minhyun is content at being the invisible angel, a silent admirer, a secret Santa of their relationship.

 

* * * * *

 

The concert starts with big fireworks on the stage and massive countdown from the video and the audiences. Lights and lasers are shot from different directions. Music from the live-band making it more grand than their past concerts. Tension starts building up, as they start with Burn It Up, old and classic but still favourite. 

Nothing major happens to any of the performance, they dance as rehearsed, except that now they are able to perform with less pressure. They are turning few little mistakes into a running jokes, or even making it more dramatic just to engage to the live audiences. 

MC part is a little bit harder to carry out as they have to read out thank you letters to every fans out there, as well as for members themselves. Hence few weeping and sobbing here and there cannot be avoided. Luckily the other more energetic members manage to raise the mood and change the atmosphere so that they can move on to the next part of the concert. By this time everyone can see the chemistry built within Wanna One’s members. The dynamic that they are showing clearly a living proof that you can still be one team even though they started as an individual trainee in a competition. 

They are just 2 songs away from the final song (including the encore), and the whole dome just cannot avoid the fact that their disbandment is merely about 20 minutes away. The short Produce 101 video is shown on the big screen, a reminder on how they were united, the intro of their new song, ‘Journey’ starts playing after the video ends. They are standing on platforms at the long stage, with galaxy as their background. The only lights that shines, are of the light-stick that fans are holding and the spotlight from each members which are dimmed to create a melancholy effect.

Another video is playing, and the orchestra starts playing, it’s their cue to walk towards the centre-triangular-stage. Jaehwan reminds himself, _walk to the centre, turn your back, wait for the cue, and sing towards the camera_. However, he doesn’t expect what comes next.

As he turns his back to the audience, his eyes catches a glimpse of two fans standing at the very front of the barricade, both have matching sunflower-headbands, but that’s not what catch him off guard. It’s what they are waving from each hands, side to side, like a flag. 

Memories flashed through like someone fast-forwards it from the time he stepped into that Paju Village, the happiness, all stolen glances, shared-chuckles, warmth of the touches. Jaehwan’s heart wrenches at that.

 

**‘This’ has to stop**

 

Before everything comes to an actual end, before their final party, before any possible talk is interrupted with sobbing members, which happens once too many, or before they are occupied with future plan from their own respective label. 

Jaehwan ignores the impromptu orchestra, he lets his feet (or his heart) bringing the tired soul toward the most influential existence for the past 1.5 years, _hell,_ past two years. Jaehwan neglects staff’s cues, sets his eyes to the back of the person he’s longing to hold and forces his way through. 

It takes 2 seconds for the audience to notice what Jaehwan is doing, takes another for members to realize the high note they are expecting from the main vocal remains unheard. 

 

Minhyun turns his back as soon as this rare occurrence happens (Jaehwan might miss couple of dance moves, but he never.. never miss all singing parts he is assigned to). Before he understands the situation, he feels another body enveloping him into a huge hug. His eyes darts forward to notice that the spot he’s looking for is empty and the red-wine hairs flocked in his very own neck. 

 

**Finally**

He thinks as he raises his hand to hug jaehwan back. He has forgotten how much he missed having the younger in his arms, or how comforting it felt to touch the warm skin.

 

 

**Thank you for taking care of me.**

“I’m sorry, _hyung_... I was an asshole”

 

**Don’t leave me.**

“I am afraid of what’s going to happen”

 

**Stay with me.**

“What can I do without you”

 

**I love you.**

He cannot bear to say the words properly, so he clamps Minhyun’s back and grasps the material in full force as he buries his head to the older’s chest and letting the tears wets the satin cloth. 

Jaehwan despises himself from not being able to fully say what is on his mind. However the taller is the master of mind reading, because he reciprocates Jaehwan’s feeling by clutching his body to his own closely. 

“I was too coward to confront you. I am the one who should apologise. Promise me, that we will meet again on the stage, and I’ll ensure you that I will be there on every of your steps”

Minhyun closes his mouth near Jaehwan’s ear, he wants the younger to be the only one to hear it. 

“I love you too”

“All of _you_ ”

 

The rest of the members finally join in to the hug. All of them could not contain the rollercoaster of emotion tonight. They are happy with the rejoice of the couple, and at the same time, sad with their separation, anticipation of their future, but one thing that they can guarantee, their teamwork is as strong as their friendship. Just like right now where all of them neglect their singing duty and forming a group-hug. No one is going to be mad at them tomorrow, no more managers pushing through from all stubborn fans, no more media play.

Their final song of course has to be Nayana, it’s ironic how they hate the song from the deep of their heart, but they seem to not be able to part with it. Confettis flying throughout the stages, tears and laughter penetrating their MR. Members throwing waves and grabbing slogans in every directions. But Minhyun and Jaehwan is inseparable. They take each other hands and move toward the same direction together. 

Jaehwan leads the way to those two fans he spotted earlier. He signals Minhyun about it and laugh together upon seeing it the second time. With the help of security, they manage to grab onto those souvenirs that fan has been holding onto. Just like last time, Minhyun helps Jaehwan to tie up the knot behind his waist while half hugging him too closely than necessary (but Jaehwan did not complain the first time, so he is not going to this time either). Jaehwan does the same to the man in front of him, but because Minhyun is too tall for him to know if he ties it up correctly, he just goes on with guts feeling while staring at Minhyun’s face, smiling shyly. 

 

“I know you enjoy seeing my face, but we have to show them, I need to frame it if we can get a picture of it”, says Minhyun comically. 

Jaehwan blurts out laughing and return his snarky comment “Why are you so confident, _hyung_ , dont let your head getting too big or those fansite couldn’t capture your face!”.

By the time Jaehwan finishes tying up the knot, people screaming for the two of them to face a certain direction. Hence, both Minhyun and Jaehwan parade the stage hand in hand, showing the whole audience that _Saranghae_ team is back on action, complete with their couple-look: Superman and Wonder Woman aprons.

 

For Jaehwan, Hwang Minhyun is the first _hyung_ he can confidently call home. 

The first man he interlocked his fingers with.

The first guy he held with open arms and never plan to let go.

The first male-crush he would not have imagined.

 

While for Minhyun, Kim Jaehwan is the first of everything in his life.

The first voice that enables him to love.

The very first existence who accepts him for the way he is.

The first relationship he would not want to be tainted.

 

* * * * * *

 

Jaehwan wakes up to the sound of pen dropping from his grip to the floor. He must have fallen asleep for a while, considering the strain in his neck due to awkward sitting position. He was in the middle of assigning the lyric to fit into the already prepared musical arrangement when his eyelids felt heavy. He stretches his limbs in the air and grabs his phone on top of the drawer to find the time. Unfortunately, the phone is out of battery so he plugs the charger and left it as it is. He should really consider buying extra wall clocks and hang them in every room. He taps the keyboard of his laptop and the time tells him that he has slept for about 1 hour. 

While still stretching his arms and legs, he looks around the room lazily, recalling on the memory of how he managed to buy big house little outskirt of Seoul for his parents, he thought of getting an apartment unit for himself but his parents reminded him about the importance to save money, so Jaehwan sticked to their old house. Not only he has known all of neighbours and the landlord, the house is small enough for him to do the most basic cleaning. 

The main living room, where the family used to store all of Jaehwan’s guitar collection, has now become Jaehwan’s working space. A mini studio for all of his creations. He has added extra furnitures and musical equipments, complete with microphone set. The room has undergone renovation as Jaehwan insisted to have a sound-proof wall to minimize noise that might disturb his neighbours.

The bedroom, where the three of them laid to sleep in the past, is Jaehwan’s own bedroom now. He has squeezed-in a standard bed with drawer underneath as his mom nagging on how important a good sleep is. 

All white goods stay the same, Jaehwan has convinced his parents that he wouldn’t need new ones as he predicted we would rarely use them (he stores and cooks food at bare minimum and he only uses his washing machine fortnightly). Instead he has made sure the latest model of every electrical appliances are installed properly in his parents’ new house. Just another duty of a filial son. 

Once he’s fully awake, Jaehwan straightens his back and tries to pick up where he left off. He rewinds the selected mixtape, and the melody echoing nicely through the sound system inside the room. Jaehwan calms his mind and focuses to re-collect his inspiration, hence he imagines a certain 181cm-tall man, porcelain skin, perfectly aligned teeth with half-crescent set of eyes; _his one and only muse_.

 

Blame the well soundproofed-walls, the ringing of telephone is fallen on deaf ear. It isn’t even far off from Jaehwan’s studio, just next to the door, sits nicely on top of small table. Previously it was mounted to the wall, but now racks has been built against it, to hold multiple trophies from different music programs. Sitting at the very top of the rack is Jaehwan’s favourite one, ‘Best Rookie Male Singer 2019’. The hope of every aspiring musicians, the start of everything and the beginning of a new dream. 

 

“Hey babe, I couldn’t reach your cellphone. I hope your parents are not in the house hearing this voice message. But anyway, do you want to come over tonight? I’ll be home alone, Aron- _hyung_ caught the last flight to L.A yesterday night after finishing our last recording. Minki left to Busan after so many shots of soju, celebrating our last day of promotion with another trophy, _can you believe it?_ I will kick Dongho out of the dorm, so he can stay with Bumzu- _hyung_ tonight _._ And Jonghyun is probably in the car going to Gangwon-do as we speak. I’ve always come to your place so let’s take turn this time, I can preparesweet-chilli seasoned-crab that you love. Okay okay? Ahh… also, on your way here, don’t forget to buy lu—“

 

_Your voice message has been saved, Thank you._

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of whenduskarrives collection, please click the tag for more fics or visit their website: 
> 
> http://whenduskarrives.site/ 
> 
> for more minhwan works such as fan arts, poems, etc!! They have this cool website to collect everything just as a memento for minhwan. Please do check them out!
> 
>  
> 
> (1) = Park Won - Try, Minhyun sang little bit of this song before on his instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/BOPJVnUBlLB/?hl=en&taken-by=optimushwang
> 
> \- I have no idea about any gym equipment, I googled that tool and found out that the name was smith-machine. Please pardon me and blame Dongho as I got the inspiration from him
> 
> \- I might be changing lil bit of sentence (maybe hair color and such) from the webzine, but it's nothing major.


End file.
